Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Notes from a Pregnant Chick - Things You Don't Know About Pregnancy Until You're In It

Written on September 11, 2011
*Baby Girl was born on October 17th (5 days after her due date!) 

1. Your friends will not know what to do with you.
Mention “happy hour” and people will stare at you like you’ve completely lost it. Um hello people! I can still go to happy hour and not drink – I didn’t go just to get “chocolate wasted” before, I don’t go for that reason now… Derr. I go for the great company. Annnnd the happy hour appetizer specials.

I myself am guilty of not knowing how to handle a newly pregnant friend… but here’s a hint – you don’t just stop talking to them for 9 mo’s and then try to pick up where you left off after the baby’s here. That’s a good way to hurt some feelings. Your entire being doesn’t change just because you’re pregnant. Yes, there are changes in priorities - among other things, but your basic self is still the same – you still like going out and doing the same things, like the same music, the same movies, etc. You don’t want to hang out in your basement watching DVR’d shows every night for 9 months… because you’ll go crazy.

(Note from post-pregnancy perspective – I’ve now learned that at 9+ months pregnant, you will officially not feel like going out all the time. You will want fresh air (but most of all you’ll want that sweet butterball outta your tummy), but in short bursts – or at least in situations where you don’t have to get out of the car… which you will need your hubby to pull you out of… because you have no stomach muscles… which brings us to #2.)

2. You will miss your stomach muscles, no matter whether you had a 6-pack or a pony keg pre-pregnancy.
Sitting up to get out of bed… or even roll over, getting out of a vehicle… especially at any sort of incline, hoisting yourself out of a chair… these are all difficult around Month 5 and nearly impossible by Month 8. Be nice to your baby daddy, he will come in especially handy during these moments. Plus, he will get a kick out of pushing or pulling you out of whatever you’ve gotten yourself into.

3. Everyone has an opinion… and advice… and a labor horror story.
And you will have to smile and nod unless, like my friends April & Ashley keep telling me, you use the power of pregnancy and tell them to shut it while blaming it on the hormones. Which brings me to # 4.

4. PMS mood swings have nothing on pregnancy mood swings.
I – and, well, mostly my husband, friends, family and everyone else in near proximity – have been very lucky that I’ve had barely any monumental mood swings while I’ve been pregnant. (Keeping my fingers crossed that this doesn’t change in the month we have left to go!) There have only been two occasions in which I’ve pretty much chewed my poor hubby a new one. Both of these were followed by tearful apologies and a sobbing “please forgive me, I think the baby has a voodoo doll of my body and emotions.” Again, luckily for all my surrounding people, most of my victims have been in their cars with the windows rolled up and have not been able to hear the screaming four-letter words that come out of my mouth when they drive like idiots… unfortunately, my husband has been on the phone with me a few times to witness my alter ego. BTW, we’ve nicknamed these mood swings my “hormonal outbursts”… aka … my “H.O.’s.” (Not to be confused with hoes… we say the letters “H” & “O.”)

5. The changes your body makes (at least during months 1-8) are not as freaky / scary as you think.
They’re actually pretty cool. If you take the time to think about it, everything is changing so you can create a living being. Yes, there’s a little bit of pain and discomfort, and yes you can only take Tylenol, even if you cut your finger off, but it’s all really amazing if you stop to think about it. Your bones are moving around, your stomach’s being pushed to the side, by Month 7 there are times when you feel like you can’t breath because the little bugger is pushing up against your lungs – but it’s amazing because by the end of it, you’ve got a full-grown, ready to be born baby living INSIDE of you. Craziness.

 "It's a girl"
<3 the love of my life <3

6. Showing your (non-baby-having) friends your stomach when the baby moves around will make them freak out.
Again, guilty of this. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a baby move while still in its momma’s stomach, but I’m pretty sure my first thought would have been “alien creature.” This event, in my experience so far, has been squeal-inducing – without fail. However, once that’s your baby in your stomach, you will think it is beyond the coolest thing you’ve ever witnessed. (Same goes for kicks, hiccups and just about any other movement the baby makes while in your tummy – these things will not get old. Uncomfortable at times, but every movement you feel and see is – again -amazing.)

7. Warning: Cranking up the Sap-o-Meter. Introducing a new type of love.
When thinking about the love I have for this unborn baby, I’m reminded of a “Family Circle” cartoon where the little boy asked his mom “How do you divide your love between 3 children?” to which she replies “I don’t divide it, I multiply it.” Aww. I know… 

I don’t have 3 human babies, but I do have 2 fur-babies and a human baby on the way and I’m not running out of any love for any of them. (OK, I’m usually on the fence about the cat, but she’s really grown on me over the past few years.) The love you have for most of your friends is different than that you have for your family. Your love for your family is different than the love you have for your husband (or boyfriend / fianc√© / girlfriend / insert term here). And once you’re pregnant – especially after you see that little teddy gram on the ultrasound screen or feel him / her kick for the first time – you will realize that you can feel yet another brand of love. I guess this is mommyhood.

8. People will get pissed off if you don’t tell them the name you’ve picked out… or even worse if you don’t at least tell them the sex.
Both of which are none of their dang business. It’s completely up to you what information you want to broadcast. 

Cartoon from www.baby-gaga.com
*true story*

*Apparently here I ran out of things to rant about! I'm sure I missed lots - anything big I missed? Please feel free to add your 2 cents =)

P.S. Mommyhood rocks and I wouldn't change any of it (not even the sleepless-"but-I've-fed-you, changed-you, burped-you, why-are-you-still-crying"-nights). It's beyond amazing, there just aren't words to describe it.  <3

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